Snow forts and water balloons

Snow. Again. 537th strait day of snowfall I swear.  This time a dusting of 3 or 4 inches. Not much to get upset about this winter. At least it covers the yellow snow and piles of dog poop from strangers who walk their dog past our home. No doubt they stop to clean up after Fido but then hear the extreme chaos coming from within the prison and decide they should get out of the area fast. Can't say I blame them. 

The 4-5 foot piles of snow made the perfect platform for the Guard to provide some institutional instructions on how to dig tunnels. Unlike true prisons, here at Garfield, we encourage our prisoners to consider escape. 

Each prisoner got their own tunnel since they all fought over the first palace that was made to accommodate all 3 at once. They were much happier with their own little holes. 

After an extended stay outdoors, 76 pieces of clothes weighing about 123 pounds were soaking wet. The price of crawling in snow. But apparently the prisoners are enjoying water today. 

Attempted to make dinner. Once again, 1&3 were way too quiet but I am finding it is easier to give them a bit of rope to hang themselves before stepping in. Once again, my impeccable timing and spidey senses allowed me to know the exact time to walk into the prisoners bathroom. I walked in to find 1&3 trying to fill water balloons. Where they found them I am not sure. Thankfully they do not yet possess the manual dexterity to tie a balloon, or even stretch it over the faucet to properly full them. 374 balloons on the floor, all wet, all 'not working' to quote #3.  Minimal water because they were small balloons after all. 

The sun will come out tomorrow, or, my tummy hurts

You can bet your bottom dollar that the sun has come out, and we will move mountains (of snow ) to get out of the house. 

The sky is blue, the sun is bright and hope is on the horizon. Maybe not hope, but somewhere to take the prisoners for the day so some semblance of normalcy can return to this prison-- namely getting back to our day jobs. 

The snow has stopped!  I want to sing it from the highest mountain of snow (and let me tell you they are big!). 

Our cars are/were trapped in our yard. Our alley has not been plowed but a quick survey of the situation has shown me that someone made first tracks already, so we shall follow. 

That's all good. Got to work. Everything sort of back to normal. On a conference call for work and the prisoner vocational training center calls to inform me that %2 has a tummy ache and has thrown up. Looks like it's an early day. 

Pick up all 3, #2 looks like he has mastered the 'I'm sick and will look pathetic to prove it.'  But, it was not an act. Not sure if it was inevitable or it was the violent thrashing of bajaing through our snow and ice encased alley way but the car now has a new smell. And a new coating compliments of the contents of 2's stomach. 

In typical prisoner fashion, 1&3 were not disgusted but intrigued by it. They immediately begin to inspect and wonder what the mess was. 3; "what's the orange stuff?"  2; "we had carrots for lunch, I bet that is carrots."  And on and on. The conversation grew more descriptive and inquisitive but there is no need to relive it here. Some conversations should just remain within the walls of the prison, or prison transport in this case.

I am just hoping #2 is better by tomorrow. Have some chain gang activities planned. It's time they learned how to make snow tunnels in hopes they will know when to tunnel out of prison when the Warden and Guard are prepared to become empty nesters. 

Snow, snow and more snow

Guess what today is?  Surprise, another snow day. 

No idea how much, but it was a lot. So far. If I had to guess, 10 inches with the threat of more tonight. And more tomorrow, and Saturday, and Monday and....  Who cares anymore. 

The Warden had morning duty while I dug out with my trusty snowblower. Apparently I had too much 'fun' helping my neighbors and the Warden is not happy. But the two plates of cookies I received from neighbors were fine by me. And helping an elderly man clear his walkway was just something I felt I had to do. 

Upon completion, the Warden went to do some work and left the inmates to me. Luckily #2 is amusing himself with his electronics. #1 is bouncing between walls , helping to clean up after #3 and doing art projects. She got to spend some time with her grandmother last evening who has a very well organized craft room. This has motivated #1 to be like her. All out tape, markers and craft stuff is now squirreled away neatly in her room. Impressive actually. 

#3, well, she is always our challenge. Luckily she is sitting next to me writing notes in her notebook. But when I received a call from work, I had to step outside to answer it. 3 decides to clean our back sliding glass door. Nice right?  Except that she used hand soap that she poached from the bathroom. THAT was fun to clean up. Thankfully I learned my lesson and made her help me. If I didn't, I am positive that she would have destroyed something else and a never ending cycle would have ensued. Guard is finally learning how to deal with the inmates. It's about time. 

The inmates awoke excited to play in the snow, but after the initial dump, it turned to rain. And it continues. So no outdoors for them today. Just too wet now. It's not like it would have been fun anyways. With the snow we already had, plus today, the snow depth is up to 3's waist. And 1&2 would have struggled to play in it as well. It's just too deep which is crazy. 

#3 has been demanding to watch her favorite tv shows. Her favorites? Barney and Cailou. Just shoot me. The creators of those two shows should be public enemy 1 & 2. That little bald bastard Cailou is the most annoying thing on TV. If you have never watched him, count yourself lucky. This show will rot your brain. 

Here is what we awoke to this morning. The bottom 25% of snow on the table was there already. 

Nearly forgot--  the one benefit of the snow is that I actually get a workout. Here is my current result from my fitbit tracker from today:

Not too shabby. 

Another dog day afternoon

I never understood the term 'dog days of summer'.  I am going to coin the dog days of winter though. I mean, it is summer somewhere right?

After a brief business reprieve in our nations capital, I have returned home. I learned that in my absence the Warden enlisted the help of one of the inmate's favorite sitter. Her mom also happens to read my blog, so she came armed with a plan to teach the inmates a chant. I returned home last evening after braving the rush hour traffic of DC and Baltimore to chants of 'Attica, Attica, Attica.'  Classic. 

Winter storm Pax. I don't even know what to say. Typed that and stared at it for 5 minutes. I mean really, what can you say about an impending storm where the weather maps have tons of bright colors and your area is predicted to snow amounts in the double digits. Past 10, does it really matter?

The good news is that pitchers and catchers reported to spring training yesterday. #2 asked when we could go to a Phillies game. He overheard some sports talk radio during afternoon inmate transfer. I almost shed a tear when the Mets were mentioned and without prompt he made a raspberry sound. Indoctrination has taken hold. 

Just read this post and realized it's not the greatest. I am a bit short on prison material because of my professional time away. But don't fret, if Jim Cantore is correct, tomorrow's snow day will provide material. 

I was just interrupted by THE PHONE CALL. You know, the call canceling school tomorrow. Looking at my phone's history for this year, this number has called me more than anyone else. I swear, I need to meet the guy on the other end of the recorded message. Not quite sure what I would do though. His voice has become less welcome than that of an IRS agent. I want to do the recording one day.  'Hello parents. I am the bearer of bad news for you today. We don't want your inmates today because it's not worth it to us to venture outside only to arrive at school to control your minions all day with out the ability to take them outside to release their pent up energy. We don't want to deal with their boots and hats, and the snow they will track through our school. You deal with it today, we are closed and all teachers will be dancing in the streets while you pull your hair out.  Good luck. Don't call us, we will call you.'

The inmates have not gone to a full week of school since before Christmas. 

#2's favorite song is '104 days of summer vacation' from Phineas and Ferb. At this rate, we may be lucky to have 4 days of summer vacation. 

Freedom. FREEDOM. F R E E D O M !!!!

Yep, as mentioned earlier, I got out of town. Getting out of town was not the easiest though in typical Garfield Prison fashion. 

Took 1&2 to see the Lego movie. Fell asleep twice. Each prisoner woke me once. They loved it. It would have been better had they let me sleep. I did check to make sure I didn't snore and they confirmed I did not. After the movie was over, a stop at the most evil place on earth was in order-- Toys R Us, or as I call it, Empty My Wallet. 

Upon return home, the snow started to fall. And the faster I packed for my business trip, the faster it fell. It fell until Baltimore. Travel was slow and deliberate and safe. I made it to DC and found a nice little church to say my evening prayer called the Churchkey. A little distilled water from Kentucky and fermented water from Maine with flatbread with some chicken sausage and  some Ponlano peppers. All that is sprinkled with text messages from the Warden who apparently needs another voice to help calm the prison block. 

So, I am free for now.  And this is what freedom looks like for me tonight;

Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde?

After much reflection, I now understand better the challenges faced by parole boards. When prisoners face parole boards they present themselves in the best light possible so they can get out. 

Many of the same actions are present at Garfield Prison. Report cards have been received for 1&2. They were great. Something for the Warden and Guard to be proud of.  Both received the highest marks for respecting authority and for having good manners.  However, within minutes of marveling at the excellent ratings, the Guard was once again breaking up a fight and there was no respect for MY authority and manners?  Where did they go?

The birthday party for 1&2 went off without a hitch this weekend. And without surprise, the good manners and respect for authority was back. Until all the guests went home. If someone could

Explain this to me, I would appreciate it. 

Having a safe prison is important. We have ensured there are smoke detectors everywhere. Currently one or more have a battery that is almost dead. This is of note because it managed to wake the entire prison up way too early. It is also of note because I cannot find the offending device. I have stood under each one waiting for its chirp only to hear it come from somewhere else in the house.  This poses multiple problems. First and foremost is that it is extremely annoying. I have to find it so I can replace the battery, but while I am standing there, I swear it takes 5 minutes for a chirp. When not searching, they go off every 3 seconds. Where is that dang dead battery?

As each chirp happens, I become increasingly convinced that this is some evil trick employed by a member of my family that was present yesterday for birthday festivities. So now I am not only looking for a dead battery but also for a hidden camera and I am sure someone is watching and laughing. With my tin foil hat on, I question the existence of the white repair truck on the street outside the house. Surely some late night host will pop out and inform me this is an elaborate prank to be aired on the next episode of Punked. Or maybe I watch too many TV shows about special agents and survailence. 

The good news, for me at least, is that this evening I must travel out of town for two nights to attend a conference for work.  This blog may take a brake, unless the phone calls and texts from the Warden results in blog worthy material. The Warden is excited only because my snoreing will be 120 miles away instead of the standard 12 inches. 

The other good news is that they hyped up predictions of 18-24 inches of snow for today was a bad joke and we will only see an inch or two. So there should not be any snow days while I am gone. More importantly, there should be no reason for the Warden to need to shovel or worse, attempt to use my baby, the snowblower.   The forcast for the day after my return is a bit more ominous, but let's not focus on that.