The guard is not a MAJOR klutz (yes, a minor one), but the events of this weekend may suggest otherwise. Perhaps I should be wrapped in bubble wrap and stored away for safe keeping.
Friday: The Warden arranged for alternative care for the prisoners so that the Warden and Guard could attend a movie. We even attended a theater where they have renovated it to have massive recliners. In typical fashion, we were late. After securing a massive soft drink that could quench the thirst of thousands, and a truck load of popcorn, we entered the theatre where we had friends and assigned seats waiting. In my mind, I saw the seats. They were in the opposite side of the room. I thought, we should walk around to the other side and down the isle to approach from the other side rather than cut in front of an entire row of fellow movie goers. So I lead the way.
This movie theatre has been retrofitted to fit these seats, and unbeknownst to me, there was no other isle on the other side of the room. How did I eventually find this out? When I walked into the darkness of the theatre and strait into the black wall. At a brisk speed. Holding 55 gallons of soda. Fluid which acted like a liquid filled air bag that has been deployed in a split second. All while wearing a white shirt. Yep. I drenched myself. Yay me. And I sat through the entire movie while wearing the Warden's drink. She only complained of thirst 27 times after eating the popcorn, but I was not moving again until the theatre was empty.
Saturday: I awoke knowing that later that day I would be taking #2 to his first Major League Baseball game. But it was a night game and there were things to do before we left. One of those things was to repair a neighbors lawnmower. I proceeded to do that, but for some reason I had decided that there was no reason for me to put shoes on. It was a hot day, and I was comfortable. That is until I walked in front of the mower and misjudged how close I was. I am pretty confident (now, a day later) that my misjudgment and subsequent collision with the mower has resulted in at least one broken toe.
At the time, there was the initial pain, but not much more significant than stepping on a Lego in the middle of the night. Some Advil and I would be fine. I sucked it up and went to the game. And we walked around the stadium. A lot. It was uncomfortable at times but not that bad. Until we returned home. Upon exiting the car, my first step proved that perhaps there was some damage beyond a Lego step. I hobbled into the house and removed my shoe and discovered a discoloration that is unnatural-- purple, dark red and yellow. And some nice swelling. My foot modeling career will be put on hold. I am making calls now to cancel appearances for the next week. The photographers are devastated that they cannot marvel in the beauty of my feet.
Sunday: it is early and I fear what damage awaits my body today. I think I may just decide to bubble wrap myself and stay inside. If there is another blog post today, know that yes, I did something stupid again.
The movie incident was dumb and 36 hours later I can laugh. The foot? It just hurts, almost as much as my pride did Friday night. But such is life. And if you wonder why I would even write about it, well, those that know the Warden will know that the stories would be told anyway, and she would embellish everything to sound worse than it really is, so here is my spot to keep the record strait.
Pretty colors, huh?