The lesson for today is: Irony

Now that summer is here, the prisoners are shipped off to summer camp. The prisoners are enjoying life. Activities every day. Fun with friends. It's summer. 

Today's activity was some sort of 'messy art project'.  They raided my closet for old tshirts, packed flip flops and were off. 

Upon pick up, #2 had paint all over his sneakers. And he was quite upset, informing me we needed to buy new sneakers immediately. #1 was quick to point out the fact that her sneakers were fine because she used her flip flops while painting, but took the opportunity to state that if #2 got new kicks, she should get new ones as well. 

After informing #2 that he would NOT be getting new sneakers (I am still of the mindset taught by my mother-- new sneakers are purchased just before school, not at the beginning of summer), the conversation progressed.  Guard: 'Why didn't you use your flip flops?'  #2: "Because I would get laughed at."  G: 'Then why do you think you need new sneakers?'  2: "Because they have paint on them and I will get laughed at."

Irony. Perfect teaching moment?  Sure, let's give that a shot. 

12 minutes later, teaching moment had past. We are home, tears have been shed. 1&3 used the opportunity to push buttons, confirming his fears he would be laughed at. Total and utter disaster of a conversation. Irony, not iron. No, you don't iron your clothes with irony. Oh nevermind. Let's revisit this in 10 years.

So there I am, cooking dinner and scrubbing paint off sneakers. Damn paint won't come off. Oh well, he is a boy and the sneakers are beat up anyway. A little black paint over the red and he won't know the difference. 

The real lesson-- that school is going to be questioned why they would use paint that is not water soluble.  It doesn't way off the legs, hands, arms or hair either. I swear that day care centers hate parents. 

And let me digress for a minute: Our prisoners go to a day care that has traditionally had a pre Mother's Day 'Tea with Mommy' and pre Father's Day 'Donuts with Dad'. Sounds sweat, right? It totally is great to go there and spend time with the prisoners. But, they schedule it 3 hours before the end of the day, requiring the Warden or Guard to take work off early to attend (and who CAN'T attend?  I'm not a monster), and there is no possible way that you can even think about going back to work after that, so the prisoners come home early. So the day care gets to close early because they totally know that there is no way a parent can say no to something like this. 

Irony. It's everywhere. 

Happy Father's Day!

It has been quite some time since I last wrote. I have thought about it some, and each time my conclusion comes down to one common denominator. Winter. 

This past winter of discontent fueled much of my inspiration to write. The Polar Vortex coupled with a steady stream of nor'easter storms, put a serious cramp on the available areas that the prisoners could have safe access too. The back yard containment area was under feet of snow. Any voyage beyond the walls of the prison required hours of preparation and cold weather gear installation.  And the results of that time invested in installing cold weather gear was a few fleeting moments of time beyond the walls of the prison before, at minimum, one prisoner would become cold, loose a glove, get hit in the face with a snow ball, or worse, have to go potty. 

The dreadful 'bundled up potty break'. Anyone who has done this maneuver knows. They know that this will require you and the subject to remove all winter clothes, get to the latrine and then reverse course as quickly as possible. All the while, a silent prayer is made but never answered-- don't let there be another needed potty break just as you get dressed to rejoin the prisoners. The other prayer is that while you are attending to one, the others encounter some sort of cold and potentially dangerous situation that quickly deteriorates due to the lapse in direct oversight. 

But I digress. This was not supposed to turn into a PTSD fueled flashback to leave me shivering and drooling in the corner. No, this was meant to be an update of the past few months where I have neglected this space and not contributed any writing. I have tons of excuses, all correlating to the enhanced work requirements that a prison needs once the snow melts and the tempature begins to hover increasingly closer to triple digits. 

Summer is here. School is officially out, a week plus past the scheduled date due to the harsh winter. The oldest prisoners have completed their first year of school. The youngest is about to turn 4. It appears in the last few weeks that the 'terrible twos' that lasted way, way into her third year, may be showing signs of weakening. Just like the Polar Vortex that seemed to remain with us to create a winter of epic proportions, our terrible two vortex is loosening it's hold. Not completely mind you, but there are rays of hope shining through. 

Today is Father's Day. Or-- the day that everyone says nice things about dads and where moms allow us to do virtually nothing all day while quietly cursing the day and counting down the minutes until it is over so that lazy man can be cursed at again for not doing what we are supposed too. 

Digressions. I did it again. 

The sun is out, the grass is green and the prisoners want to go to the pool. 

Happy Father's Day everyone and thank goodness summer is here. 

Until the next time I get a few minutes to write... Guard Out.