Opening Day!

It has been a while since the last post.  Many of you few but faithful readers have asked what the deal is.  Well, I don't have a great reason other than to say I just wasn't feeling it for a while.  Work, life, life and life got in the way.  I have not been doing this for a while, but I got to a point, call it writers block if you will, but I just did not feel the creative juices that I felt when I started this.  No worries though, I did not dry up like a desert and the previous creativity was not a oasis never to be found again.  It was just a drought, and like my basement that was dry for most of the winter, the creativity is back, just like the water level in my basement.  This blog will continue to be the sump pump for me (sorry for the metaphor, the sump pump in the prison basement has been working overtime).

Opening day means a lot to baseball fans. At Garfield Prison, it has become a tradition to watch the game, have some hot dogs and popcorn and enjoy the game as a family.  It is probably the only game each year where all 5 of the prison's inhabitants will watch a full game together.  It is certainly the only game where everyone is excited to watch an entire game.

Aside from the start of baseball season, Opening Day represents so much more when you take a step back and analyze it. It is a signal of spring, even if Mother Nature isn't always a baseball fan. It is a fresh start. 162 games is a long season for sports, but each year, it starts over. Every team, every fan starts again on equal footing. 0-0. Everyone tied for first.  At the end of the game, half of the teams will be in first place, and the others will be a half game out of first.  The cream will start to rise to the top, but for right now, everything is equal and fresh.

Each year opening day means more and more. As the prisoners get older, their understanding of the game increases. The oldest two are playing t-ball and all have, so far, been in lock step with the Warden and the Guard in our love for our Phillies. #2 slept with his stuffed Phillie Phanatic. He named his newest stuffed animal Chase after his favorite player. #1 has her pink glove and spikes. Each batting lefty to the dismay of the warden, but each with a level swing and unexplored potential.

As a kid, baseball was Little League practice and games. Wiffle ball in the yard with the rules tweaked for wherever we were playing. Ball gloves strapped to our bikes. Baseball cards traded. Countless cards inserted into the spokes of our bikes. Hours of summer time spent playing baseball in one form or the other. 

As I got older, baseball meant less and less as life changed. It was always there, but it did take a back seat to life until it once again started to become an important aspect in life. But this is the great thing about baseball. The fresh start. It is always there. Always willing to accept you back, no questions asked. Come on in and sit back and enjoy the game. 

This year, the fresh start, the first indications of spring and the new beginning represents even more to the Guard.  #1 and #2 have started playing t-ball and they have embraced it with excitement.

To say the winter was difficult is an understatement. Many of the comical incidents have been chronicled in this blog but for this guard at least, the winter was a personal struggle. The details of which won't be discussed here, but it has become very evident that a change was needed.  The change needed is being addressed, and much like the fresh start of baseball with Opening Day,  a fresh start for the Guard is occurring as well.

So, Happy Opening Day!

Some of you will think watching baseball is like watching paint dry, but sometimes it is really kinda nice to step back, smell the roses (or the fresh cut grass, hot dogs grilling, popcorn popping and all the other smells of summer) and just watch the paint dry.

Let's PLAY BALL!

Prisoners, nail polish and tears

The Guard knows better. When #3 quiet, nothing good can happen. 

The day started early. Much too early. But the prisoners were excited. They knew that the day would bring them to the state's capital and admission into a hands on science museum. They were up early and ready for adventure. Typical Saturday morning chaos ensued. 

With breakfast out of the way, the prisoners were loaded into their secure transport. With the possibility of a phone call from the Warden, the Guard attempted to pair his new phone with the transport. Attempting to do this via the vehicle's voice detection capabilities proved troublesome--  Guard should have known that the prisoners would try to talk to, and thoroughly confuse, the 'nice lady in the car that speaks to us.'  Transport unloaded. Prisoners secured. Phone paired. Reload transport. All in the name of hands free convienence. 

The outing was successful. Nonstop questions while in transit. What is a state capital?  What is a governor?  Do you know him?  Are we there yet? Will you ever be a governor? I need to go potty! Why is the river so wide?  Why is there ice on the river? I need to go potty! Can we go ice skating? Are we there yet? Can we live in the governors house?  The house is so big, does he have a lot of kids?  Who cleans the house?  Are we there yet? I still need to go potty. Why is the top of the capital green? Are we there yet? I NEED TO GO POTTY NOW! And so on and so forth. 

Arrival!  The Whitaker Center for the Sciences and Arts would soon have no idea what hit them. 

Paper airplanes with launching pads. Water tables. All sorts of hands on activities soon had the prisoners quickly overwhelmed and excited. They did not want to leave, and already asked to return. Success. 

A pit stop on the way home to visit family provided some entertainment on the rest of the trip home. We were greeted with questions about he prisoners. Yeah, the prisoners don't know they are prisoners-- and don't know what a blog is. As soon as we left, 'Why did Cousin Guard call us prisoners?'  Well guys, there is this thing called a blog and, well, I tell stories....  Nevermind. Cousin Guard is just crazy. Who knows what she was talking about...  (Just kidding Cousin. Or am I?). End of conversation. 2 miles later-- all prisoners asleep. Living in the 'now', this Guard just went with it. Living in the now requires one to not consider the ramifications of what will happen when you are further down the road. One last pit stop for the Guard to buy a bottle of his favorite adult beverage and all the prisoners were back safe in lockdown. 

Dinner time. Breakfast clean up time. (Guard rules. No Warden) #3 quiet. The silence is soon interrupted by the unmistakable smell of nail polish. Oh no. Yep. Apparently #3 does not understand the difference between nails and toes, and feet, and hands, and arms, and elbows. In the time it took for the smell to migrate from one part of the prison to another, the nail Polish was used as body paint. And floor and carpet paint. Not good.

Nail polish confiscated. Tears dried from confiscation. Dinner consumed and cleaned up. Bed time costume change complete. Netflix on. Three prisoners with a one thousand mile stare, near complete exhaustion. One guard torturing the prisoners and not allowing them to sleep yet. The transport naps are too much a risk to allow for an early retirement this evening. Cannot allow for yet another early morning tomorrow. Strongly considering painting all windows black to confuse prisoners with lack of sunlight. 

Day 2 of Warden's absence down. No casualties. Minimal damage to prison. Day 2 is a success. Even the prisoners think so. 

Curses Polar Vortex! Curses!

Day 3,582 of the polar vortex. Or so it seems. Warden is off to Florida again and the promise of warmer weather. First full week of school since, well, this year (full meaning every day, with no delays or cancelations). 

With the Warden flying the friendly skies, the prisoners were good and were treated to dinner at their favorite Mexican joint for burritos. In a scene earily reminiscent of my Army days with a certain roommate, AS SOON AS WE RETURNED home, ALL THREE prisoners ran to the bathroom for their daily constitutions. Thankfully the prison is equipped with 3 commodes. The air handling system in the prison apparently needs some work though. Time to change filters. I mean WOW!

#3, being the youngest and slowest was relegated to the stall furthest from the main gate of the prison, and where the Guard and Warden typically reside. Since prisoners are hardly ever in there, adult hygiene products are not overly familiar to them. Specifically, feminine hygiene products. #3 discovers a box belonging to the Warden, proceeds to open one of the 'things' inside and then systematically quizes, embarassed and stumped the Guard who was woefully unprepared for the line of questioning. Yet one more example of how the Guard will miss the Warden while she is gone. And the prison is only 6 hours into her absence. Seat belt is on, the next few days may get bumpy. 

The prison finally seems to be healthy and running at full strength. All prison inhabitants suffered from a vicious and unrelenting stomach bug over the past ten days. The longer it went on, the stronger it became until it hit the final casualty the hardest. The final mark? The Guard of course. Days of being puked on  and cleaning and attending to the others ended in a vicious attack, putting the largest strain on the plumbing and ventilation systems in the prison. This is also the reason the Guard was negligent in providing timely daily reports. 

Prisoners have requested to end the week with a Cailou marathon. With an undermanned prison staff heading into the weekend, and yet another, potentially major, snowstorm predicted to start next week, the guard may be in need of a straight jacket and padded walls. Thankfully #2 has decided that he would like to forgo the Cailou marathon and watch baseball instead. Spring training Grapefruit League game is set to tape to save the day. #2 shale receive extra food rations and privileges for his request. There is hope after all. Bonus is that there will be a weekend game against the Yankees so the brainwashing of hatred for all teams New York can continue. He has already laid out his Phillies gear. Proper prison management in full effect! 

Blowing the stink out

The prison was dank. The prison was disease filled and the state of the prison no doubt fueled the cabin fever that had been evident for months. The prisoners needed fresh air as much as the prison itself did. 

The morning started as normal-- prisoners up too early and meal demands nearly exceeding the Guard's ability to keep up. Breakfast is triage. Keep the food moving and don't let the prisoners get enough for to allow them to start their terroristic activities but not enough that they are screaming for more food 13 seconds after the cleanup has concluded. It is a battle each morning but more are won than lost. 

Being a weekend, the prisoners needed some physical training and a chance to blow the stink off. What started as times laps around the main floor of the prison turned into an outdoor marathon consisting of timed sprints to the bus stop and back. 

Little did the guard know that at the bus stop, the melting snow revealed the remains of someone's spilled valentines day booty. After the second lap, the prisoners conspired to form a search and rescue mission to retrieve the discarded candy. In a scene strait out of 'Stand By Me", the prisoners gathered needed supplies-- mainly the doll stroller, pushed by #3. Once again the spidey senses of the guard were piqued enough that he decided this trip should be chaperoned rather than watched from his comfortable guard tower. During the trek, which was slowed by #3's short legs and unwillingness to push her stroller through any puddles, the guard overheard the hushed discussions of the rumor of a stash of candy at the stop, that had previously only been seen by #2. Upon arrival, the rumors were confirmed. Thankfully the guard had been there to stop the prisoners from digesting what remained of the candy. At some point some sort of animal had also enjoyed the find, so this booty was not fit for prisoners-- all of whom have dealt with the stomach bug over the past week. Disappointed, the prisoners returned to the prison. 

Fumigation activities ensued and the prison was opened to fresh air. The polar vortex is approaching yet again and will be here by next weekend, coinciding with the Warden's next trip to Florida. Emergency preparations are underway. They consist mainly of plans of lots of this: 

Send your good thoughts and prayers. And hopefully the guard can find something a bit darker than what he is preparing with.